Runner Insight

For those of you paying attention, back in September I was telling you about my first marathon and the events of race day. Well, I never got around to publishing part four, the final part of my marathon adventures, because a lot of miscellaneous stuff came up. But for those of you that have been waiting, clenching the edge of your seat, only removing yourself from the glow of your computer screen for bathroom breaks and to open holiday and birthday gifts . . . Your patience is about to be rewarded!

Here it is…the long awaited conclusion and results of my marathon race day.

You’re Welcome!!

Part 4 Missoula Marathon 2007 Race Day

Well, as you’ll recall, I had just had a pit stop, where T poured cold water on my neck and changed out my neck wrap for a fresh cold one. 

It was hot – 90 plus degrees out – a record breaking summer for western Montana! The sun was intense, and there was no shade to be found. 

I was running along, nearing the 20 mile mark, when I noticed my right foot was feeling numb.  I stopped to examine it and as I felt my ankle to see if it felt swollen, I flexed my toes on my right foot…Whoa!!! Big mistake!  My whole leg started to cramp up.  I never get cramps, so when this one started, I panicked a bit.  I pushed my toes back down and furiously rubbed my right leg, and luckily, with that immediate and intense attention, I was able to avoid a full blown cramp.  But of course, this whole situation had me worried – a lot.  Would I be able to finish the race? If I ran on my numb foot, I could injure it even worse and not even realize it. Would it hurt to walk on it? Could I keep myself safe and healthy, or was it too late?

Obviously I couldn’t run on a numb foot…that was just too dumb, so I started walking because I didn’t want to risk twisting my ankle and being unable to finish the race.  With my ever-present cell phone, I called T.  I think she was surprised to be hearing from me.  I said I didn’t know if I could go on.  We had a bad connection, so when she said, “What?  I didn’t hear you…,” right then and there I decided not to repeat my negative thoughts, and instead I told her I was going to have to walk some of the last 6 miles due to my numb foot and leg cramps. 

So we pushed back the next meeting time, and I told her I would call again when I was getting closer.  I was more than a little bummed by my set-back, but at the same time, I was glad that I was able to walk, and even run some when the numbness subsided, and I felt my foot was okay. 

All along the way, volunteers were there to hand out water, power aid and gels, and the crowds were so supportive. 

At one point, a volunteer on a bike came up to me and asked how I was doing.  I told her I was walking due to some cramping in my right leg.  She gave me about 6 Pringles potato chips for the sodium and, can you believe this: her own personal water bottle!? How amazingly generous and compassionate!  She told me I could leave her water bottle at the next aid station, and she would get it there. I was so grateful for her care and attention. 

By now, I knew it was true what I had heard about the marathon: that it was really two races: the first twenty miles, then the last six.  Because my last 6 miles were hell.  It seemed like it was taking forever. 

My next pit stop was near the mall with about 3.2 miles to go on the bike path that I was very familiar with.  There again I met T, and this time our good friend Marty was there too.  They got me a fresh cool neck wrap and water.  T walked with me for awhile, but I really wanted her to be at the finish line, so I said I would be fine and started to run for a bit, and she peeled off to head towards the finish line downtown. 

The enthusiastic crowds at the mall gave me a much needed boost of energy, and I ran for quite some time before I had to walk again.  I was very aware of my time: that it was going to be well over 5 hours before I would cross the finish line.  Of course my objective had now changed, and I was only concerned with finishing, and doing it in under the 6 hours required to be an official finisher. 

So with my run-a-little/walk-some-more strategy, I plugged along on the path that had no shade at all.  The sun was beating down on me, and I knew it had to be getting close to 100 degrees! 

As I was approaching the turn that would take me over the Orange Street Bridge, I could hear the music playing and the crowd cheering, and in my brain I did an imaginary back flip with excitement:  I knew I was just about there! 

As I got to the bridge where the finish line was, I was looking around.  I could see balloons tied to the side of the bridge, but I was expecting so much more.  According to what the website had said, there was supposed to be a huge balloon arch.  Oh well…I was just excited to be on the bridge.  I gave it my all, running as fast as I could, high-fiving the onlookers as they stretched their hands out and shouted words of encouragement.

I finished strong, running at a sprint towards the finish line.  I was never so happy to be done with a race in all my life. 

I was a marathoner!  Albeit a bit of a dazed marathoner, but an undisputed one, nonetheless.  My finish time was: 5:28:00.

T came to the finish line and escorted me to get my finishers medal in the shape of a star, and then on to the food:  to the re-fueling station to replenish my glycogen stores!  I was  wobbly and very tired, and with the temperature hitting the mid 90’s, of course I was overheated.  I sat in a folding chair under a tent, and chowed down on watermelon and bagels.  The pasta and salty nut mix were just what I needed. 

After I regained some of my strength, I turned to T and said with absolute conviction, “I’m never doing that again!” 

“I was hoping you would say that,” she replied. She knew how hard this whole marathon training process for the past six months had been on my body.

Then it was time to head for home.  But there was one small problem with that plan: I could not get out of the chair.  My legs had stiffened up.  But T managed to pull me up to a standing position.  I didn’t want to hang around as it was hot, did I mention it was hot?  And I needed my Starbucks fix! 

So we stopped at my favorite coffee hangout, and I showed off my medal to anyone who would look!  At one point I asked T to tell me what it said on my star-shaped medal. 

She looked at it and then said with a straight face, “My Little Sherriff.” 

“WHAT!?!” 

Of course it didn’t really say that, but I have to admit the shape of the star medal did look like one of those kids play tin sheriff badges. To this day, we still laugh about that.

Once we were home, I had a soothing bath and tried to take a nap, but my legs were too sore and every time I moved they hurt. So it was not very restful.  I got up, and within a few hours my legs felt better.  It wasn’t until I tried to climb the stairs that I realized just how sore they really were.  And don’t even get me started about going to the bathroom!

That evening, T and Marty took me out to our favorite steak house for my celebratory dinner.  Yes, I wore my medal, and if it was socially acceptable I would have worn it as a badge of accomplishment everywhere I went for a week or two!  But I was content to wear it to dinner, where I did talk to several other marathoners and half marathoners who had run in the race, and we all agreed it was way too hot! DUH! I don’t know if anyone running a marathon could really stay hydrated in that heat.

Oh yeah, that balloon arch that was supposed to be at the finish line? It was there, big as life.  I didn’t see it when I ran under it, so imagine my surprise when I saw it in the photo. What’s that all about? You’d think I was blind or something….

How ‘bout it?

-Vision Runner

P.S. If you’re getting value out of this blog, you can do me a favor by linking to us and mentioning my blog to friends and co-workers. Here’s the link information for this particular article:
Title: Marathon Training: My First Marathon – Race Day Part 4

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My Slapdown

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On Thursday I was interviewed by Dr. Andrew Shatte’.  He is on the faculty at the University of Arizona and is currently working on a book about people who have overcome adversities.  He’s interviewed lots of people who have been handed some sort of “slapdown” by life (his term). He was intrigued by my slapdown story, and we had an insightful and somewhat introspective conversation.  He asked me a lot of questions in reference to my reaction and the subsequent acceptance of my life with the eye disease RP (Retinitis Pigmentosa). 

But there was one question in particular that Andrew asked me, that I had a hard time articulating an answer for. It was “Did faith or spirituality play a part in how you handled your “slapdown”?”  I told him yes, it most certainly had, but I felt my answer was inadequate in expressing how much it truly has helped me to not allow myself to be limited by my vision constraints.  Even though I’m legally blind, and I do have to deal with that every day, I don’t define myself that way or see myself as “broken” or “limited”.

I’m constantly aware that I’m part of something much bigger than just myself.  It would be nearly impossible to continue on the journey that I’m on if I had chosen to live as a victim.  There’s an inner knowledge that we are all connected, and that gives me hope and a sense of security.  And it’s not just the hope that I will someday see again, but the knowledge that what we do here in this lifetime counts. It matters, and we are here for a reason. 

That reason may not be fully revealed to us until we are no longer a part of this physical world, but it doesn’t matter whether it’s made clear or not. I have the unshakeable faith that what I’m doing at this very moment in time is exactly what I’m supposed to be doing. 

There was no way for me to know what my life was going to bring me.  No way to know that it would take going blind for me to even begin to understand what being of service to others is all about. I’m absolutely confident that had I been living my life without this particular challenge, I would not be working on my current 1,222.25 mile fundraising run in an effort to raise $30,000 for Guide Dogs for the Blind, or have even considered running to the Ellen TV Show! 

I could have looked at my “Slapdown” through the eyes of a victim, but at the time, I chose this road, not because I’m more evolved or smarter, but because it was the only road I knew. And that journey would allow me to eventually end up where I am today.

I do have faith in the Universe and its infinite wisdom. Look where it’s brought me so far!! I live a beautiful and peaceful and contented life that is only getting better literally every single day.

 How ’bout it?

 - Vision Runner

P.S. If you’re getting value out of this blog, you can do me a favor by linking to us and mentioning my Run Over To Ellen’s fundraising project to friends and co-workers.  Here’s the link information for this article:
Title: My Slapdown

URL: http://runnerinsight.com/2009/06/22/my-slapdown/ 

P.S.S. Here’s an informational website all about guide dogs…www.Guide-Dogs.info

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Sometimes we all need a little nudge…Or maybe a big kick in the rump, as was my case.

Recently I have been working on taking full responsibility for everything that comes into my life. Sometimes this is a hard concept to swallow.  But as we have been learning, everything is connected. That means, at least for me, as much as I would like to not have to admit it, I have somehow attracted my eye disease into my life. And it is my responsibility to draw my healing.

As much as I want to believe that I can change my reality and heal my eyesight, life seems to get in the way.  Living with RP every single day, I find myself thinking, “How can I ever possibly have perfect vision again?”  It seems an impossible task…How can little ol’ me do anything about this huge, insurmountable problem?” 

Don’t get me wrong. I respect and honor my strength that has allowed me to overcome the obstacles that have presented themselves along the way that could have kept me from doing the one thing that I love to do more than almost anything else, which is why I’m still running.  But on the other hand, I have allowed the disease to slowly take other parts of my life I used to enjoy from me, such as bike riding, driving, and beading, and stamping to name a few. That is when the nudge, or in my case the kick in the tail, becomes necessary. 

And thank God I have T to keep me on track.  She checks in with me and asks me how it’s going with the healing of my vision. I hem-haw around and try to avoid the question. 

Always gentle, she persists by asking me why I am so resistant to fixing my eyes?  When I really think about why, I realize that it boils down to belief.  Specifically, my lack of belief in my ability to fix my vision.  And If I don’t believe my vision can be fixed, then the Universe can not bring about the circumstances to heal me.

Even though I knew it before, one of the things I’ve become more conscious of recently, is the thought that it’s not me healing my vision. It’s me putting things into play so that a stronger, higher power can do the healing. It seemed so huge and overwhelming when I was looking at it as “little ol’ me” having to do this big job called “healing my vision and restoring my eyesight.” Shining the light on the basic concept that I’m not actually in charge of “doing” the healing makes it so much more conceivable. I can request it from the Universe, and then be open to whatever the next inspired action will be whispered to me.

I started doing EFT or Emotional Freedom Technique.  Simply put, it involves tapping on different places on your body with two fingers, which works to clear blockages and resistances in your energy field.  Before you begin tapping, you rate from 1 to 10 how you feel about a certain resistance. 

You then own your resistance, whatever it is, indicating that you still have love and respect for yourself. For example, mine is: “Even though I don’t fully believe that I can have perfect vision, I completely accept and love myself” while tapping 7 times on the different meridians.  Then you rate how you are feeling, and you can continue to do the technique until your resistance gets to a zero. (To get more info Click Here! )

I have started to do EFT while in the shower or walking to my mom’s, or even during a quiet moment at work. Currently I’m at a 6 with my resistance about being able to have perfect vision. I know I need to work on it, and I may need some help figuring out the root cause of this disbelief. Enter Theta and Radical Forgiveness, two huge emotional/spiritual healing techniques that I have barely scratched the surface of learning how to use.

Just the other day T was reading me a true story from Joe Vitale’s book, “Expect Miracles” about a guy named Gary who would not accept the doctor’s diagnosis that he had MS.  He just refused to believe it.  He decided to change his reality and found out what MS was, and in his mind he created a work force of beavers to work around the clock patching and repairing his myelin sheaths.  He also visualized what he would be doing on his 100^th birthday…Jumping out of a plane! 

The doctor had given him a dismal outlook on what he could expect his life to be like.  When he told his doctor what he was doing with his visualizations, the neurologist, already resigned to Gary’s fate, said “Don’t expect too much.” So he fired his doctor.  

Now 20 years later he is doing great and has accomplished all sorts of things, from a fire walk, to mountain climbing to bungee jumping! Amazing results since he was supposed to be dead or confined to a wheelchair years and years ago!

About five years after his diagnosis, he had an MRI and 90% of the previous scar tissue was gone. The doctor told him this just doesn’t happen! Well of course it does!  He just proved it does – because he changed his reality and never bought into the diagnosis.

This got me thinking about my eyesight, and I decided that I was not going to accept the doctor’s diagnosis of RP. Even though I thought over the years I had not accepted the doctors diagnosis, in reality I had…And as a result my vision has gotten worse.  So I figured why not create my own work force of beavers.

My beavers would be the best of the best; specially skilled to work in my Rods And Cones factory manufacturing and placing the cells that I need that are dropping out of my retina and not replacing themselves.  They are paid extremely well…as Gary said in his story, “Hey, I’m worth it”

My Rods And Cones factory runs 24/7 producing the rods and cone cells.  They also have an on-site pond to relax and play in.  All meals are provided free of charge to the workers in the Beaver Lodge where the best beaver chefs prepare and serve meals around the clock. There is an on-site store with all sorts of snacks and supplies also free of charge. 

I have hired supervisors and line operators, as well as Quality Control beavers to check the rods and cones before they are loaded onto trucks that take them to the main placement site: my retina. There the heavy equipment operator beavers, in their Carharts and hard hats, take the rods and cones to where there is a hole in my retina to fill.  After dropping in the rod or cone, my “Weaver Beavers” put the finishing touches on the cells to keep them in place patting them down with their flat tails.

Why beavers?  Of course, Gary’s story started it. But it makes perfect sense. Well think about it…beavers are always building and repairing, always hard at work.  That’s who I want on the job of fixing my eyesight. And more importantly, how cute is the image of a beaver in a hardhat?!!!

So the night that I had my first shift of beavers working away, I had gone to take my evening nap before I had to be at work at 11pm.  T came in to wake me up to get ready for work…”Get up, Get Up you little ol’ sleepy head!”  After waking me, she came back into the room and said, “You know I had to get up from my desk where I was working three different times tonight to answer the door.”

“Really?  Who was it?” I was curious.

Seriously she says, “The tapping was very persistent.  When I answered the door there were several furry critters with flat shiny tails, and hard hats on. They were looking for you.  They asked if you were still hiring.”  T left the room and I’m laughing. She then turns around, sticks her head back in the room for a second, saying deadpan “They seemed quite eager.”

I burst into a new chorus of laughter.  Her timing and delivery was spot-on. Sometimes I just don’t know where she comes up with this stuff!

So with the beavers working diligently on my behalf, another technique I am using is visualizing my day with perfect vision.  T has also helped me with this taking me through my day expressing what I might see and say as the day progresses.  It was quite fun, and served to remind me that visualization and imagination are powerful tools, that I don’t use often enough. It’s not hard. I just forget.

With the tools I have at my disposal, I am now ready to start changing my reality.  I’m the only one who can.  As much as T wants me to see again, it’s up to me to do the belief work.  I do want to see again.  I just have to work through whatever resistances I have and keep visualizing.  I am learning to live in the moment. And any moment now I’ll see perfectly again!

How ‘bout it?

-Vision Runner

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