Runner Insight

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In 1997, when I flew from Montana to Arizona to meet with an eye specialist, I never expected to hear the news that I got.  He told me that the eye disease I had just been diagnosed with, Retinitis Pigmentosa (RP), had no cure.  And that it would most likely render me completely blind eventually.

As you can imagine, this revelation hit me hard, like a baseball bat to the gut.  At first, beyond the dread, the denial kicked in, and of course this couldn’t possibly be true. No cure?  He had to be wrong about that. I was confused cause my eye doctor back in Montana had thought, with surgery, it could be corrected.  He figured they could just drain the jelly out of my eye, and remove the layer of tissue that had crinkled, causing me to have some vision problems. Then replace the eye jelly, and voila, presto-chango…all better!

Not that I was looking forward to having the jelly sucked out of my eye! Believe me, I wasn’t! That’s disgusting! What if they dropped it or lost it?!  But, as disconcerting as that whole concept was, at least that made it sound like I had hope, that I could get my eyesight back.  My doctor at home had sent me to the specialist in Tucson to find out what had caused this crinkle in my eye tissue in the first place, to get some reassurance that it could be fixed, not to find out that I had a genetic disease and I was going irreversibly blind.

The contradiction between what I had been expecting to find out, and the news I ultimately received, caused a deep dissonance within me, and at least initially, a slight paranoia. You can understand that I was expecting to be told something scary, as well as pretty gross and disgusting, yet still, hopeful. The information I got wasn’t any of that: it went well beyond frightening; it was not disgusting, and certainly the furthest thing from optimistic. Simply put, I was going blind. Period. The End. Stop. End of Story.

Leaving the doctor’s office that day, I was wandering in a cloud of devastation, excruciatingly anxious, with an uncertain fear deep in the center of me. Was it true? Was he wrong? What if he was right? What would I do? What would happen to me? How do I deal with it? How do I tell my family? How the hell did this happen to me? And on and on and on…..

So, what do runners do when they can’t do much else? I don’t know: I guess they run. At least that’s what I did, trying to clear the fog in my head and the fear in my gut.

Since I was staying with friends in Tucson, I decided to run in the neighborhood where they lived. It was an early spring day, and as I ran in this new place, trying to note landmarks and keep track of my location, it sort of took my mind off the overwhelming idea that I was going blind, although obviously, not completely. But as you run, you do get into a percussive rhythm, with better chemicals flowing through your brain and body, and I think that also helps balance out some of the discord. It’s probably why they recommend exercise as an adjunct to therapy.

Anyway, I was rounding the corner to go back. And there was something ahead on the sidewalk. As I got closer, I could tell it was a small bird.  When I bent down, I saw it was a baby dove.

I picked it up to move it off the sidewalk, and as I did so, my mind billowed and my heart calmed with recognition at the simple, but deeply powerful message the universe was sending me: even during times of uncertainty I could be at peace. Things would work themselves out, even if I didn’t know how or why.

How did I know this? I was holding the symbol of peace right there in my hands!

A message for me…..

…..Right when I needed it most.

How ‘bout it?

Vision Runner

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September 1, 2008         

Hi there,

I am Vision Runner. I am a 44 year old woman, who has been running since 1992.  My real name is Rhonda. My passion for running began when a friend of mine wanted a running partner.  I told her I would be happy to do anything else, I’d bike, hike, or walk, I’d even climb Mt Everest (no, not really J)…but I just wasn’t a runner!  Well she kept at me and finally after much persuasion, I gave in and bought my first pair of running shoes.  I’ve been running for enjoyment ever since.

In the early spring of 1997, I started to go blind.  It came on quite suddenly.  I was diagnosed with Retinitis Pigmentosa (RP).  RP is a genetic eye disease, that affects the peripheral (side vision), and central vision.  I am slowly losing my eyesight.  As cells in my retina die, and drop out, they are not replaced by new cells.  So over the past 11 years my eyesight has decreased to the point where my mobility is definitely compromised. I am legally blind, and can no longer drive a car or ride my bike. And though obviously my running has been impacted by the progression of the disease, I am still determined to run and, for the most part, am able to navigate independently.

In the beginning of 2007, I was given a copy of the DVD “The Secret” by Rhonda Byrne.  We watched it, and it really resonated with us.  So much so that my partner, who had been suffering with horrible migraines for most of her life, started to put into practice the Law of Attraction.  That is, she began to focus on what she wanted instead of what she didn’t want. She used to say, “I hope I don’t get a headache.”   So she shifted her thinking to “I’m relaxed and comfortable always. I’m healthy and strong.”  You know what happened?  Yup, you guessed it.   Instead of taking her very expensive migraine medicine 3 to 5 times every week or two, she took it only 5 times all year long!!!  I know it’s hard to believe, but it’s true. I know. I was there all the times she suffered with those terrible migraine headaches, and they were 100% real.  By simply focusing on what she wanted, T was able to change her life and her entire well being!  In the first 8 months of this year, she has only taken her meds 3 times. 

Seeing this kind of results for her, it got me thinking that this “Law of Attraction” stuff must really work.  I believed it before, but seeing how it worked for her, I really GOT it. So now, even though I’ve been diagnosed with RP, I don’t have to accept that as my reality.  I am absolutely convinced that I will see again.  It’s just a matter of time.  And I want to take you on my journey, if you’re so inclined to go with.

My reason for writing this blog is to hopefully inspire even one person to understand that the change they seek is within.  But I’m also doing this for myself, as much as I am for others. I’m using this blog to inspire myself as well as keep myself positive, focused and motivated.  I hope together we will have a fun time exploring where I’ve been and where I’m going.  This journey is about overcoming obstacles that prevent us from being the best we can be.  And I’m ready to get started…..How ‘bout it?

Vision Runner             

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