When I was diagnosed with Retinitis Pigmentosa back in 1997, one of the first things I started to notice along with my decreased vision, was my loss of the ability to perceive colors the way I used to. I was having trouble differentiating between the darker colors, such as dark greens, blues and blacks. As time went on, I lost even more color receptors, and I needed the help of others to tell me what color different clothes were.
I learned this the embarrassing way. Well embarrassing to me anyway, as being color coordinated has always been important to me. I had bought a pair of what I thought were gray pants, only to find out many months later that they actually were olive green. I had been wearing a lot of red with them, and was convinced they were gray – at least until T pointed out they were green. I said, “No way!” But then, holding up a gray shirt to them, I could see that they were indeed green! So now when in doubt, I ask “What color is this?”
It was not until after my dad passed away that I really started gravitating towards the color red. Red was my dad’s favorite color. Mine had always been blue. But it was becoming increasingly harder for me to see all the different shades of blue. Red however is still a very bright and vivid color for me to see. So at first, quite unintentionally I started buying more red everything, from shirts to shorts, to earmuffs and scarves. Even a bright red winter coat! I’m sure it’s because it is the one color that really does catch my eye! Soon my closet began to fill with brightly colored red clothing – not necessarily a bad thing as I look pretty good in red.
But not only did I like to wear red, I started buying T red clothes too! When she wears her red shirts or hooded sweatshirts I can find her a lot easier in crowds, and it’s harder for her to sneak up on me! She will usually wear red when I am running in a race, making it easier for me to find her after I’m done running. But to be honest, she usually finds me first!
Not only do I love the color red now, it never fails to remind me of my dad, and that always bring a smile to my face.
To stay motivated for any goal, you absolutely must have a big enough “Why”: the reason that makes you keep going when you don’t want to and it’s easier to quit. That big enough “Why” is the key. However, sometimes finding your big enough “Why” is the stumbling block when setting a goal.
I personally have found myself using lots of different “Whys” to keep myself motivated and moving forward. Some of them are just short-term “Whys”, that help for a day or a week or two or three, and some of them are long-term “Whys”. For any goal, the size of the “Why” has to be equal to or greater than the size and importance of the goal.
I’ve been a runner for just over 17 years now, but when I was first starting out, I needed the motivation of my friend Dana to keep me going. I would have given up and would not be a runner today if not for Dana running alongside me with her enthusiastic energy and love of running. My “Why” was just keeping up with Dana, and that was a big enough “Why” at the time. Eventually her passion for the sport took root in me, and I have since found my own pace, and haven’t stopped running yet.
Once Dana moved away I was left to run by myself. Not necessarily a bad thing though, as running alone allows me to re-connect with my self and center my thoughts. And even though I have a deep passion when it comes to my running, there are times when I do need some strong motivation to get my butt out of bed and pull my running shoes on. So here are some tips and techniques I’ve used over the years to make a big enough “Why” for myself. I have relied on these tricks to stay motivated and keep my running fresh and fun.
I used to be able to keep myself motivated by running a new trail or area of town. Seeking out new running paths and exploring streets and trails kept my running new and exciting. I found some beautiful and magical spots by simply running in a new place.
But since my diagnosis with Retinitis Pigmentosa in 1997, my eyesight has been slowly declining over the years. This makes it almost impossible for me to run new trails anymore. In fact for safety reasons I pretty much only run on controlled paths that I can navigate with my white cane and limited vision. And it definitely gets boring sometimes running the same path every single time I put on my running shoes.
So now I am using these other tricks to keep me motivated.
One sure-fire way to get me out of bed to go running is new running clothes. A new pair of running shorts or shirt can keep me going for weeks, but soon the novelty wears off. I could buy more running clothes, but I’m running out of room in my closet and drawers! I have more running clothes than one human should be allowed! But hey, that certainly won’t stop me from picking up just one more running shirt…or two, or three… :) Did I mention how much I love running clothes? It’s my not-so-secret addiction.
Another motivational tool I use is new songs on my mp3 player. When I load up my mp3 player with a new playlist, my “Why” is that I honestly can’t wait to get out and run so I can listen to all the new high energy songs. This can last quite a while as well, as I only allow myself to listen to my running music while running. In a similar vein, if I have a good book to listen to, that can keep me hitting the pavement for up to a couple of weeks. But the problem is that all of these strategies last only a few weeks at best. And it’s easy enough to load new running music or books onto the mp3 player, but it’s not really a big enough “Why” for the really long-term.
So for me, one of the best motivational techniques I have ever used is training for an event or a particular goal. At one point a few years back, I was going through some new and wonderful changes in my life and my running days were pretty much non-existent. But after about 6 months I was really feeling the void in my life that only running could fill, so I made the decision to train for BloomsDay: a very big race held each spring in Spokane, Washington. There would be over 40,000 runners and walkers participating in this race. By having a goal race to train for, I was giving myself the “Why” I needed to stay totally motivated to get out and run. I even trained on hills even though I hate running hills, as I knew there was the dreaded “DoomsDay Hill” at the end of this 7 plus mile run. So having a looming event on the schedule is a great “Why.”
After BloomsDay, I kept training for small races here and there, but it was not until I decided to run in my first full marathon, that I learned the true meaning of dedicated and perpetual motivation. I knew that I would have to be unwavering in my marathon training program for 6 long and arduous months if I was going to pull off the training schedule and ultimate running of a full marathon and live to tell about it. Of course, “living through it” that was my big enough “Why” for that one.
So for 6 months I told as many people as I could that I was going to run a marathon. Their supportive reaction and amazement that a blind runner was going to run a marathon fueled me on.
My friends and family were another great source of motivation, as they each helped me however they could. My friend Vickie rode her bike with me on my long marathon training runs and our conversation and laughter was so much fun. Some runners use running clubs to keep them motivated, but with my work schedule I was not able to take advantage of them. But my partner and I attended workshops put on by the marathon organizers.
After all the miles of my marathon training program and ultimately running the marathon, I was tired from training so long and hard. It took some recovery time, but soon I was out there running again and doing a fairly good job of staying dedicated to it.
At the beginning of this year 2009, I got flattened with lower right back pain. At one point I sneezed, and I was down right now, rolling on the floor like a beach ball. The diagnosis came back that I had sciatica down my right back and leg. It was impossible for me to run for over 2 months! Once I was given the okay by my chiropractor to run again, it was slow going, as the sciatica was still hampering me somewhat. But soon I was plugging along and eventually my lower right back pain was all healed up, and I was moving normally.
Even though my back injury was healed, and I wasn’t having the lower right back pain anymore, I was having trouble getting past the 3 mile mark on my runs. Before my back injury I had been running 6 to 8 miles at a time, easily and comfortably, so it bothered me that I’d get to 3 miles and be wiped out, even though I shouldn’t have been.
So in order to challenge myself, get myself motivated to break through that 3 mile barrier and push my comfort zone, I decided to do a virtual Run Over To Ellen’s: to the Ellen TV show in Burbank, CA. This 1,222 and a ¼ mile run from my home in Montana to the Warner Brothers Studios in Burbank will take 34 weeks running an average of 36 miles a week! Before my lower right back pain and the sciatica issue, I was running about 18 to 24 miles a week.
But not only am I doing this virtual Run Over To Ellen’s in the hopes of getting Ellen Degeneres tickets to see a taping of the Ellen TV show, I’m fundraising for Guide Dogs For the Blind at the same time. My quest is to raise $30,000 for them between now and the end of the year.
So this Run Over To Ellen’s fundraising project will keep me motivated and running for 8 months! And by doing a daily video update for the special access Donors Only page, I am determined to do the mileage.
So I think I have found my big enough “Why”…for this year anyway!
Sometimes we all need a little nudge…Or maybe a big kick in the rump, as was my case.
Recently I have been working on taking full responsibility for everything that comes into my life. Sometimes this is a hard concept to swallow. But as we have been learning, everything is connected. That means, at least for me, as much as I would like to not have to admit it, I have somehow attracted my eye disease into my life. And it is my responsibility to draw my healing.
As much as I want to believe that I can change my reality and heal my eyesight, life seems to get in the way. Living with RP every single day, I find myself thinking, “How can I ever possibly have perfect vision again?” It seems an impossible task…How can little ol’ me do anything about this huge, insurmountable problem?”
Don’t get me wrong. I respect and honor my strength that has allowed me to overcome the obstacles that have presented themselves along the way that could have kept me from doing the one thing that I love to do more than almost anything else, which is why I’m still running. But on the other hand, I have allowed the disease to slowly take other parts of my life I used to enjoy from me, such as bike riding, driving, and beading, and stamping to name a few. That is when the nudge, or in my case the kick in the tail, becomes necessary.
And thank God I have T to keep me on track. She checks in with me and asks me how it’s going with the healing of my vision. I hem-haw around and try to avoid the question.
Always gentle, she persists by asking me why I am so resistant to fixing my eyes? When I really think about why, I realize that it boils down to belief. Specifically, my lack of belief in my ability to fix my vision. And If I don’t believe my vision can be fixed, then the Universe can not bring about the circumstances to heal me.
Even though I knew it before, one of the things I’ve become more conscious of recently, is the thought that it’s not me healing my vision. It’s me putting things into play so that a stronger, higher power can do the healing. It seemed so huge and overwhelming when I was looking at it as “little ol’ me” having to do this big job called “healing my vision and restoring my eyesight.” Shining the light on the basic concept that I’m not actually in charge of “doing” the healing makes it so much more conceivable. I can request it from the Universe, and then be open to whatever the next inspired action will be whispered to me.
I started doing EFT or Emotional Freedom Technique. Simply put, it involves tapping on different places on your body with two fingers, which works to clear blockages and resistances in your energy field. Before you begin tapping, you rate from 1 to 10 how you feel about a certain resistance.
You then own your resistance, whatever it is, indicating that you still have love and respect for yourself. For example, mine is: “Even though I don’t fully believe that I can have perfect vision, I completely accept and love myself” while tapping 7 times on the different meridians. Then you rate how you are feeling, and you can continue to do the technique until your resistance gets to a zero. (To get more info Click Here! )
I have started to do EFT while in the shower or walking to my mom’s, or even during a quiet moment at work. Currently I’m at a 6 with my resistance about being able to have perfect vision. I know I need to work on it, and I may need some help figuring out the root cause of this disbelief. Enter Theta and Radical Forgiveness, two huge emotional/spiritual healing techniques that I have barely scratched the surface of learning how to use.
Just the other day T was reading me a true story from Joe Vitale’s book, “Expect Miracles” about a guy named Gary who would not accept the doctor’s diagnosis that he had MS. He just refused to believe it. He decided to change his reality and found out what MS was, and in his mind he created a work force of beavers to work around the clock patching and repairing his myelin sheaths. He also visualized what he would be doing on his 100th birthday…Jumping out of a plane!
The doctor had given him a dismal outlook on what he could expect his life to be like. When he told his doctor what he was doing with his visualizations, the neurologist, already resigned to Gary’s fate, said “Don’t expect too much.” So he fired his doctor.
Now 20 years later he is doing great and has accomplished all sorts of things, from a fire walk, to mountain climbing to bungee jumping! Amazing results since he was supposed to be dead or confined to a wheelchair years and years ago!
About five years after his diagnosis, he had an MRI and 90% of the previous scar tissue was gone. The doctor told him this just doesn’t happen! Well of course it does! He just proved it does – because he changed his reality and never bought into the diagnosis.
This got me thinking about my eyesight, and I decided that I was not going to accept the doctor’s diagnosis of RP. Even though I thought over the years I had not accepted the doctors diagnosis, in reality I had…And as a result my vision has gotten worse. So I figured why not create my own work force of beavers.
My beavers would be the best of the best; specially skilled to work in my Rods And Cones factory manufacturing and placing the cells that I need that are dropping out of my retina and not replacing themselves. They are paid extremely well…as Gary said in his story, “Hey, I’m worth it”
My Rods And Cones factory runs 24/7 producing the rods and cone cells. They also have an on-site pond to relax and play in. All meals are provided free of charge to the workers in the Beaver Lodge where the best beaver chefs prepare and serve meals around the clock. There is an on-site store with all sorts of snacks and supplies also free of charge.
I have hired supervisors and line operators, as well as Quality Control beavers to check the rods and cones before they are loaded onto trucks that take them to the main placement site: my retina. There the heavy equipment operator beavers, in their Carharts and hard hats, take the rods and cones to where there is a hole in my retina to fill. After dropping in the rod or cone, my “Weaver Beavers” put the finishing touches on the cells to keep them in place patting them down with their flat tails.
Why beavers? Of course, Gary’s story started it. But it makes perfect sense. Well think about it…beavers are always building and repairing, always hard at work. That’s who I want on the job of fixing my eyesight. And more importantly, how cute is the image of a beaver in a hardhat?!!!
So the night that I had my first shift of beavers working away, I had gone to take my evening nap before I had to be at work at 11pm. T came in to wake me up to get ready for work…”Get up, Get Up you little ol’ sleepy head!” After waking me, she came back into the room and said, “You know I had to get up from my desk where I was working three different times tonight to answer the door.”
“Really? Who was it?” I was curious.
Seriously she says, “The tapping was very persistent. When I answered the door there were several furry critters with flat shiny tails, and hard hats on. They were looking for you. They asked if you were still hiring.” T left the room and I’m laughing. She then turns around, sticks her head back in the room for a second, saying deadpan “They seemed quite eager.”
I burst into a new chorus of laughter. Her timing and delivery was spot-on. Sometimes I just don’t know where she comes up with this stuff!
So with the beavers working diligently on my behalf, another technique I am using is visualizing my day with perfect vision. T has also helped me with this taking me through my day expressing what I might see and say as the day progresses. It was quite fun, and served to remind me that visualization and imagination are powerful tools, that I don’t use often enough. It’s not hard. I just forget.
With the tools I have at my disposal, I am now ready to start changing my reality. I’m the only one who can. As much as T wants me to see again, it’s up to me to do the belief work. I do want to see again. I just have to work through whatever resistances I have and keep visualizing. I am learning to live in the moment. And any moment now I’ll see perfectly again!
I'd like to donate a cuppa coffee to Vision Runner, as I understand that all that running and writing requires a great deal of strength and energy and focus......
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I'd like to send Vision Runner $10.00 so that she can get a gift card for her favorite coffee establishment.
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I'm feeling very creative and I don't want to be inhibited by someone else's choices. I'm going to pick my own dollar amount...cause what if I want it to end with 46 cents or something?
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What about me? I need some for me..... (Go ahead. Order some for yourself, why don't ya?)
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