Runner Insight

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Growing up in Montana afforded me many opportunities to engage my adventurous side.  We had a place my family called “Our River.”  Five or six times a year, we would all pile into the old blue Rambler, Mom, Dad, two brothers, two sisters and myself, and be off to that magical spot.  Now this river of ours was only 30 miles or so down the interstate. I guess it was the drama and anticipation of exploring the wide shore of the river and the surrounding cliffs that made the trip there seem longer than it actually was. It felt like it took forever.   

It would be an all day event.  Mom would pack a picnic lunch and bring along 2 or 3 empty ice cream buckets so she could collect river rocks.  She would spend hour after hour on the bank of the river, searching, and picking out special rocks, each with their own unique stripe or sparkle to it.  Some rocks had faces, while others were in the shape of a shoe, or something else wildly unique and interesting to her. On the way back home, she would pass them around, and we would, “ooh” and “ah” over them. Well at least I did, most of my siblings were asleep on the way back to town! :) 

Once we got there and mom was busy hunting for rocks, my younger brother and I were off to do our own exploring.  There was one particular rock cliff that I was drawn to. The cliff had a nice, easy path that led to the top. Once you got to the top, it overlooked the river far below. The water would be rushing fast through the narrowing of the cliffs, creating white-capped rapids: an awesome sight that would send your imagination racing through all kinds of wonderful places and curious stories. While my brother was content to walk the path to the top, I was compelled to climb  straight up the face of the cliff. Of course, my parents had no idea that’s what I was doing.

Years later as an adult, I went back to that same river. Strolling along the shore, I came to the foot of that cliff face I had climbed 20 some years before. I was appalled. What the hell had I been doing?! This was not some small rock. It was an actual cliff, with loose crumbly gravel where you could lose your foot or hand hold, twisted trees and treacherous jagged boulders to crash onto below. I couldn’t imagine myself climbing that cliff. What was I thinking? Or obviously Not Thinking. I was very parental, admonishing my 10 year old self. 

When I was 10 years old and approached that rock cliff, the only thing I had on my mind was to get to the top.  I simply knew I could do it, as sure as my next breath would be there. Neither fear nor the concept of failure ever entered into my thinking. I saw it as just another way up to the top. 

Recently, as I considered it, I began to admire and respect my 10 year old self. Wouldn’t that be nice? To not be so limited by our doubt and fears. I thought about why it was so hard for me to even fathom the idea of climbing that cliff as an adult. Obviously, as adults we grow into our fears. We call it reason, but a lot of times, it has nothing to do with rationality; it stems from fear. For the most part, we are not served by our fear. Sometimes, sure: when we’re being hunted by the wicked witch, fear and adrenaline kick in and tell us to run and hide from her crazy, flying monkeys. Fear can serve a purpose sometimes. But most of the time, it holds us back. We withdraw. It keeps us from our full expression of all the great, magical and successful things that we are meant to be.

That got me thinking about how RP and fear had affected my running. As my eyesight has diminished over the years, and even more significantly the past two years, it has become harder and harder for me to see the paths that I run on. Since I can’t see detail and definition, each day I go out for my run, I am confronted with that seemingly insurmountable rock cliff.  

Before I was diagnosed with this eye disease, it was easy to go for a run. In fact it took no thought at all, except for what to wear.  It was like when I was 10 and just climbed the cliff because it was there. Now the cliff face seems harder to scale and much scarier, when in reality it’s the same rock cliff.

I love running so much and am determined to do what it takes to keep doing it, so I find ways to break through the barriers that seem to want to hold me back. I had to find ways to overcome the fears. For me, the passion for running helps tremendously, but it also takes some positive self-talk.

Some days I go out for a run, and almost turn back. Because of my vision issues, when the lighting is flat, everything around looks like I am in a fog.  It feels like it’s too hard, so I stop and almost go home.  Ultimately, though, I usually keep running.  Something in me is determined to keep going forward.  Like I said, some of it is the pure passion and enjoyment I get. But from another perspective, for the most part, I’ve pretty much made up my mind that fear isn’t going to keep me from doing what I love to do. I’m the one in control. I’m not giving that up to the fear.

To keep control, I do things to help me be as prepared and safe as possible. I am now using my white cane while running.  I don’t have to use it the entire time, but it allows me to run faster, whereas before I really had to slow down my pace to make sure I was not going to run off the edge of the path. I wear lots of flashing lights and blinkers; if I can’t see cars and bikes, I want to make sure they see me. I also take my cell phone and wear my RoadID. 

www.RoadID.com

By doing all these things, going for my runs is not such a scary thought. I can scale that metaphorical cliff now, with the right equipment: the white cane, RoadID, flashers and cell phone. 

So what fears are standing in your way?

Keeping you from scaling your cliffs? 

How ‘bout it? 

Vision Runner

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Like a lot of us, I try to stay healthy. Consequently, I’ve been using herbal supplements for several years for various reasons.

The main place I get them from, sends out free booklets and DVDs with each order. One of the DVDs in particular caught my attention cause he was talking about our eyes. The herb doctor was talking about his formula called Eyebright.  He said that historically, people used to use eye washes  all the time to stimulate blood flow to the eye and to prevent eye infections. 

So he formulated a mixture of different herbs, including: Eyebright Herb and Flower, Goldenseal Root, Mullein Flower, Fennel Seed, Red Raspberry Leaf and Cayenne Pepper.

Okay…did you see it?  That part right at the end where it says Cayenne Pepper? Red Hot Cayenne Peppers! Yikes!  But the good doctor explained that the cayenne pepper was to increases blood circulation to the eyes.

With RP, the rods and cones in my eyes don’t replenish themselves as they die off. It made sense to me that since my cells were having a hard time renewing themselves on their own, maybe they needed a little boost. 

So I ordered the Eyebright Formula from him. I also ordered a couple of eye cups  on eBay.  (It’s amazing what you can find on eBay, that you never even thought about looking for before. You decide to look, and “Poof”. There it is. Sometimes it amazes me.)

Anyway, the directions said to use distilled water, and put 3 to 25 drops of the Eyebright in each eye cup. Of course, I started with the minimum, 3 drops in each eye cup. I was not looking forward to this. But conviction and desire will drive you a long ways. I could smell the pepper as I lifted the eye wash up to my eye. Then I put the cup with the “pepper juice” on my eye and tried to open my eye. And I tried to open my eye, and I tried, and tried…

Hmmm, for some unknown reason my eye just did not want to open. Could it be the body’s natural response to protect the eyes from Red Hot FIRE?  Yeah, Maybe, Obviously…

After much persuasion, and a good-talkin’ to, I did get my eye to open and YOW, yes I said YOWWWW.  As I’m sure you can guess, it is not the most pleasant experience, to put it mildly.  In fact, it is something akin to torture. And I’m certainly not recommending the process for anyone else.

When I’m bathing my eyes with the healing properties of the “pepper juice”, although it looks like spasms, my body does a little dance, to help get me through my eye washing process.  I just keep telling myself that the pepper juice is waking those cells up, so they can dance, too! 

I have to tell you that I don’t do it every night before bed, but I do try to do it as many nights as I’m brave enough. I must admit, it does take some (well okay, a lot of) mental talk to get myself hyped up to put cayenne pepper in my eyes.  And sometimes I just don’t want to. Actually, I can’t think of a single night that I really “wanted” to do it.

The reason I do it though, is because I want to do things that are moving me in the right direction. Faith can move mountains. I don’t know how long it will take to get my eyesight back, or how it will happen. I am just putting multiple pathways out there so that the universe can pick which one it wants to use to bring me back my vision. And I’m all about that! Whether it’s dancing with pepper juice, or they figure out some kind of medical cure, or something else ….bring it on!

It’s my job just to believe it’s on the way!

How ‘bout it? 
Vision Runner   

P.S. Maybe I’ll get you some video of my “Pepper Juice Dance”; it’s a little painful, but somewhat comical….you might laugh. I usually do.

Stay tuned.

P.S.S. Don’t forget to leave your Comments below…. Thanks!

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Vision Runner with White Cane 2008

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When I was diagnosed with RP, I contacted the State of Montana’s Blind and Low Vision Services to see what kind of programs were available. My case worker encouraged me to work with their mobility specialist, Mark O’Brien.

At first, I really didn’t see the need to train with a white cane.  I still could see fairly well, and it seemed silly to me to use a white cane.  People who used white canes were, well, blind, right? But Mark assured me that it would be a lot easier to learn how to use the cane while I could still see some, rather than wait. I was still feeling self-conscious and apprehensive, but I finally, reluctantly, agreed.

On my first outing with Mark, we went to a very busy intersection.  He taught me how to read traffic patterns, so I would not have to rely on the traffic lights, although he did give me a monocular, so I could see the traffic signal, if I wanted. We crossed the busy streets many times, round and round, until I felt confident that I knew how to read the traffic.

After that, I had many more sessions with Mark.  He taught me how to approach stairs, and navigate in small areas. At the time, I made a vow to myself that, even though I could still see fairly well, I would use the white cane for a year, whenever I went out.  (Except running….That came years later.) After a year of consistent use, I would be well-trained and comfortable using the cane. Then I could put it away, and hopefully never have to use it again!

I had a friend who liked to take me shopping with him. He would tell me that I should use my white cane so I could get some practice in, but he had an ulterior motive.  He really wanted me to use the cane so that I could clear the aisle for him as he shopped.  It worked, too. People would see me coming, and immediately move out of the way. At the time, though, I could still see people’s faces and their reactions, so it was uncomfortable for me to watch everyone staring at me. I’m sure they presumed I couldn’t see them.

The funny thing is, I always thought that, too: that people using white canes could not see at all, and I was amazed at how well they could navigate with a stick! Of course, now I know better. A lot of blind people have some degree of vision.

It’s now 11 years later, and I’m still in touch with Mark and Diane and the other folks at Blind and Low Vision Services. Sometimes I need something that they can help me with. As my vision has been deteriorating, I am very grateful for the training I received. I use the techniques Mark taught me all the time, especially with respect to traffic, as I can no longer see the traffic lights at all, not even with a monocular. 

Even though I don’t use my white cane in my everyday activities, I have started, just in the past few months, to use it while walking home from work in the mornings, and during my runs. 

But that is another blog…    

Stay tuned….

How ‘bout it?

Vision Runner

P.S. We’d love to hear your insights and comments and stories….leave a comment below! Thanks!

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