Runner Insight

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After making the commitment to do what it takes to train for and run a marathon, the next thing I had to do was to find a good training program.

As I searched the internet, I found lots of different marathon training programs, but what I was looking for was a straight-forward approach.  I was not interested in building speed; my goal for my first marathon was simply to finish it. That would be an exhilarating accomplishment in and of itself, and one that very few people, sighted or blind, could claim to have done.

After looking at several different programs, I picked the one that I could modify to my work schedule. Most training regimens are set up for the average person who works a 9 to 5 job Monday through Friday, with weekends off.  And because a marathon is usually run on a Sunday, the long training runs are usually scheduled for Sundays.

However, this wouldn’t work for me, as I worked not only the graveyard shift, but I also worked weekends. So a bit of modifying was needed. Here is an example of the marathon training schedule after I modified it to my own work/running schedule.

It took some concentrated effort and juggling to modify the schedule to ensure that I got in all the miles I needed, plus the right amount of time off between long runs.

With that issue resolved, the next thing I needed to do was to find a new pair of running shoes. While attending a local Marathon Training Class, they suggested that runners should buy two pairs of the same running shoes.  Was this some kind of ingenious marketing ploy and sales trick?  No it turned out to be a very smart trick for me. 

Anders, the owner of my local running store, (I would link to it if their website was up, Anders…hint, hint) explained that buying two pairs of the running shoes that I wear, would ensure that I would have them when I needed them. I would train in one pair for the first few months, but then about 6 to 8 weeks before the marathon, I would want to put on the new pair and start to break them in. Then I could put them away about two weeks before the race.  When race day came, I would use that pair that only had four to six weeks of road miles on them. That way I had a relatively fresh pair of shoes for my 26 mile marathon. They would be broke in just enough so as not to cause foot pain, but still have all the support and bounce I need to be able to run a long race. It was excellent advice, and I have used it since for half-marathons I’ve run, as well.

This worked out even better than I could have expected for the marathon, as I found out later from Anders that they were having a hard time getting in the running shoes I liked, plus everyone was buying their running shoes for the race at the last minute. I already had mine, ready and waiting. So on race day I put on what looked like a brand new pair of running shoes, but without the worry of getting sore feet or blisters…

Well, I did get sore feet, but I’m pretty sure it was from running 26.2 miles. 

How ‘bout it?

 -Vision Runner

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This time of the year poses some definite challenges for me as a blind runner.  One of them is the change in the lighting outside. As the sun is at a different angle, there are more shadows and well, just odd lighting that is hard for me to visually interpret sometimes. 

To someone with normal eyesight, the seasonal lighting change is not a big deal; it’s just a matter of fact. It’s what triggers the changing colors of the leaves and sometimes our moods for people with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). 

But for me it’s when I do a lot of kung fu running.  What is kung fu running?  

As I’m running along, out of nowhere, a shadow wanders across my visual horizon.  It might be a tree limb blowing in the wind, or a passing car casting a shadow or reflection of light off a mirror or some other shiny surface. 

What ever it is, it will cause me to suddenly throw up my hands in an attempt to protect myself from dangerous shadows!  It may look to the casual observer like I’m being attacked by invisible bees, or that I have some kind of nervous twitch, or perhaps like I’m ready to fight. I’m a little curious as to what people passing by must think of this bizarre behavior.   

Hard as I may try, it’s hard to quell the urge to protect myself from all manner of lurking shadows out to waylay me on my journey. I thought that running with the white cane would cure me of this need to shadow box, but yet it prevails. Even when I have my white cane out and in front of me, and I am confident nothing is there, I still find myself occasionally flailing about because an errant spark of light or shadow has crossed my visual path.

And it’s not just the speed of movement when I’m running that causes it. I even find myself throwing the occasional karate chop while walking. I nearly always hold onto T’s arm as we walk, so I won’t wander off the trail. She is always really good about telling me when there is something I need to be aware of, like a mud puddle or dog or whatever. So on our walk one day when I suddenly jumped and self-defensively threw a quick defensive chop into the air, T said, “He was only about 3 years old, I think you could have taken him.” 

Hey!     His shadow was HUGE!

Until my vision improves, I guess I’ll have to live with the occasional flailing of arms and awkward martial arts impression.  Luckily I can’t see how goofy it looks.

How ‘bout it, Grasshopper? 

-Vision Runner

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In 1997, when I flew from Montana to Arizona to meet with an eye specialist, I never expected to hear the news that I got.  He told me that the eye disease I had just been diagnosed with, Retinitis Pigmentosa (RP), had no cure.  And that it would most likely render me completely blind eventually.

As you can imagine, this revelation hit me hard, like a baseball bat to the gut.  At first, beyond the dread, the denial kicked in, and of course this couldn’t possibly be true. No cure?  He had to be wrong about that. I was confused cause my eye doctor back in Montana had thought, with surgery, it could be corrected.  He figured they could just drain the jelly out of my eye, and remove the layer of tissue that had crinkled, causing me to have some vision problems. Then replace the eye jelly, and voila, presto-chango…all better!

Not that I was looking forward to having the jelly sucked out of my eye! Believe me, I wasn’t! That’s disgusting! What if they dropped it or lost it?!  But, as disconcerting as that whole concept was, at least that made it sound like I had hope, that I could get my eyesight back.  My doctor at home had sent me to the specialist in Tucson to find out what had caused this crinkle in my eye tissue in the first place, to get some reassurance that it could be fixed, not to find out that I had a genetic disease and I was going irreversibly blind.

The contradiction between what I had been expecting to find out, and the news I ultimately received, caused a deep dissonance within me, and at least initially, a slight paranoia. You can understand that I was expecting to be told something scary, as well as pretty gross and disgusting, yet still, hopeful. The information I got wasn’t any of that: it went well beyond frightening; it was not disgusting, and certainly the furthest thing from optimistic. Simply put, I was going blind. Period. The End. Stop. End of Story.

Leaving the doctor’s office that day, I was wandering in a cloud of devastation, excruciatingly anxious, with an uncertain fear deep in the center of me. Was it true? Was he wrong? What if he was right? What would I do? What would happen to me? How do I deal with it? How do I tell my family? How the hell did this happen to me? And on and on and on…..

So, what do runners do when they can’t do much else? I don’t know: I guess they run. At least that’s what I did, trying to clear the fog in my head and the fear in my gut.

Since I was staying with friends in Tucson, I decided to run in the neighborhood where they lived. It was an early spring day, and as I ran in this new place, trying to note landmarks and keep track of my location, it sort of took my mind off the overwhelming idea that I was going blind, although obviously, not completely. But as you run, you do get into a percussive rhythm, with better chemicals flowing through your brain and body, and I think that also helps balance out some of the discord. It’s probably why they recommend exercise as an adjunct to therapy.

Anyway, I was rounding the corner to go back. And there was something ahead on the sidewalk. As I got closer, I could tell it was a small bird.  When I bent down, I saw it was a baby dove.

I picked it up to move it off the sidewalk, and as I did so, my mind billowed and my heart calmed with recognition at the simple, but deeply powerful message the universe was sending me: even during times of uncertainty I could be at peace. Things would work themselves out, even if I didn’t know how or why.

How did I know this? I was holding the symbol of peace right there in my hands!

A message for me…..

…..Right when I needed it most.

How ‘bout it?

Vision Runner

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